Yes, I am Mom Enough, to breastfeed the first year of life. Yes, I am Mom Enough, to be a Stay at Home Mom of 4. Yes, I am Mom Enough, to balance my kids social life, academic life and extra curricular activities...but am I Mom Enough to breastfeed my preschool aged child? ABSOLUTELY NOT!
My first born, Kade, was not breastfed. I was living in Ohio and no one in my family had ever nursed a baby. I remember talking to my grandmother who lived in Michigan. She would continuously ask me if I was going to nurse this new baby. As a first time parent, I had no idea what to expect or what the right thing to do was. My husband did not care either way. So, it was up to me. I literally had no support, no one to give me information, no one to cheer me on. So, I listened to all the uninformed people in my life and I did not breastfeed Kade.
This is by far my biggest regret in life. Why? Because I feel guilty. I feel like I had the tools to give him the "absolute best start" at life, and I dropped the ball. I remember being so miserable with Kade. He cried all the time. We had to switch formula's to many times to count because he was screaming all the time. I listened to family members that said..."Put him on Soy" and "Try the gentle formula." We did all of these and non of it mattered. He would projectile vomit across the room and he would scream for hours. I would sit up at night and cry because I could not find the formula to settle his tummy. I was sleep deprived and miserable. It was not until my friend, Lynde, gave me some samples of Similac that my beautiful baby emerged. Just plain ol Similac. Non of the fancy stuff...Just Similac!
The guilt I have is: I had the tools that would of prevented all of this. I had the tools to start Kade's life without any tummy problems, but I have to remember that I was uniformed, young, and easily swayed by members of my family.
Now this is the funny thing. My second son, Blake, was born 10 weeks early. My water just broke in the middle of the night. Larry and I rushed to Petoskey but my labor could not be stopped. Right after he was born, my sister, who is very uniformed and against breastfeeding, said to me "Your going to breastfeed him, right?" Well, I had already made the decision to breastfeed. I could of cared less what they said, but I found my sisters statement interesting. Why was Kade not "valuable enough?" Why did it matter that Blake was premature and because of that, he gets "the best possible start?" I have never been able to figure this out. All of a sudden I had a group of people wanting me to nurse and supporting me like never before. How unfair was this? Just because Blake was "sick" he deserved to be nursed...but my healthy boy, Kade, only deserved formula.
I learned a valuable lesson that day: Always follow your instincts when parenting, and never let anyone sway you. I taught myself the ins and outs of nursing. I bought a book and I asked for help. I was now a nursing mother and I loved every second of it. It was hard at first. It was hard for my family to watch. They were so uncomfortable, but I did not care. I pumped for Blake until I couldn't pump anymore. For 6 weeks in the NICU, I worked hard at "nursing" him back to health, and that was exactly what happened. He came home 4 weeks before his due date, and when he was home I continued to nurse him around the clock.
I remember sitting at my mom's house and she was so uncomfortable. She hated every minute I nursed. She would pull the blanket up just so nothing would show. I could clear a room like never before. My cousin was so uncomfortable she laughed and left all together. Why was this so wrong? Why could non of them handle it? And why did they say that they would of done the same thing...IF they had a preemie? I guess full term baby's do not deserve the same. I guess they are "healthy" enough for formula, while my Blake was to frail for it. Makes me sick to think about it.
I nursed Blake his entire first year of life. I pumped and nursed and pumped and nursed. I pumped and nursed till I had nothing left to pump or nurse. It was by far the greatest accomplishment of my life; nursing a baby to complete health. He was so healthy which was astonishing from how his life began. During this whole process, I grew to love nursing. The bond I felt with Blake was unreal. If someone thinks this bond is not important, just tell that to a nursing mom. It is something I can't describe. Not only was the bond incredible, but my nights were so much easier. I could just put Blake in bed with me, nurse and fall asleep. I would then wake up and nurse him on the other side, and then fall asleep. I then would put him in his crib. I was NOT sleep deprived. I was much happier and my baby was very content.
When I got pregnant with Colt, I knew I would nurse. I threw all my bottles away. I even threw my pump away. My passion for nursing became stronger. I have a friend, Katrina, who inspired me to not give up. When I had any questions I would call her. One time, Colt quit nursing altogether. I went over to her house and she went right to work getting him latched on. Without her support, I wonder if I would of made it. It is so important to have a support system. Even though, non of these members were in my family, I had Trina and I appreciated all she ever did for me.
Kloe came next and my baby girl never had a bottle to her mouth. I am the most proud of this. I nursed her till she was 14 months old. She loved it and I loved it. We were so close. My dear friend, Danielle, also commented on she could visibly see the bond between us.
This blog post originally started in response to the time magazine headline about being "Mom Enough" but as you can see, I have digressed into the importance the first year of nursing was to me. I understand it is not for everyone, and while I am "Mom Enough" to nurse for the first year, that is where it ends for me. Why this mother chose to put her son's face on a magazine is beyond me, but I am so glad she did what she wanted to do, and was not swayed to NOT nurse...like I was so many years ago.
It is amazing to me, how people are so concerned with the choices of others, and myself included. Last week my baby sister had a baby. It nearly killed me that she was bottle feeding. I mentioned twice to her that I could help her, but Savannah is her baby and she will grow and develop to be a healthy, beautiful little girl. I will not push, and I will not try to sway her. What works for one family, does not work for all families. And that is o.k. I am excited to watch Savannah grow. I am excited to be her Aunt.
I would also like to say, while many of my family members are so uncomfortable with me nursing; I really don't care. They are uncomfortable because they are uninformed. They have no right to judge something they have never even tried. So, as I think about that, I think about this Time Cover. I judged this mother at first. I thought she was out of line...but as I have been writing this blog, I realized I am doing just what my family members did to me. So, am I "Mom Enough" to nurse a preschooler, no...but I am sure "Mom Enough" to do what I think is best? Absolutely! And I am also "Mom Enough" to say I don't care what you think, this is my baby! Do what YOU want with yours and leave my decisions.....ALONE!
"Mom Enough" in Pickford,
Shelby
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