Growing up I wanted to do many things. I wanted to be a Model, an Actress, a Hair Dresser, a Flight Attendant, Orthodontist, and even Miss America. Never once did I tell myself I wanted to be a Stay At Home Mom. I remember when I was young, my mom would take me to dance lessons over in Canada. One time we were talking about what I wanted to be when I grow up. I remember, as we were crossing the bridge, I told her I wanted to do something great with my life. I wanted to make something of myself, and I wanted to be successfull. I never wanted to struggle for money. I wanted a huge house, and I wanted to be independent. This goal came from watching my mom raise us girls by herself. I just never wanted to find myself in that same position.
I don't know what would have been easier, picking one of these career choices or becoming a Stay at Home Mom? I can't imagine anything being harder than the job I have. When Kade was 5 months old, we moved back to the Soo after being gone for 6 years. I remember, we were driving back from Detour, we had just got our taxes done, and I told Larry I could not imagine leaving Kade to go to work. The feeling actually made me sick. I was scared to let my baby be in the care of anyone but me. At that moment, we decided that no matter how much money Larry was making, I would stay home. We would find way and it may be hard for a while, but we were going to make it work.
It was hard at first getting used to not having to be somewhere. I had finished up my student teaching, and life with no homework was amazing. I found myself really enjoying the alone time with Kade. I loved watching him grow and change . I loved being the one he depended on, and the one who got to witness his first time rolling over, first foods, and the first steps he took. It was weird being able to just do what we wanted and not being on a schedule. I was so happy, I wanted to have another baby right away.
We bought our house in Pickford in October of 2003. I was pregnant with Blake and we were settling into life as a Stay at Home Mom...When Blake was born 10 weeks early, that is when the reality set in that I would be not only responsible for Kade, but also a premature baby boy! The thought of being alone with him was terrifying, but I knew that I could do it. I had spent 6 weeks with Blake in the NICU, I knew all the special things that he needed, and I was confident because I just wanted him home. Things of course fell into place. my routine become apparent and my former life of wanting to be a teacher was gone. I was now, completely, 100%, a SAHM!
There are many days, even know, that I think to myself..."I wonder what I would be teaching?" or "I wonder how our lives would be different with two incomes?" But as I reflect on this, it does not matter. You see, I have devoted my life to being here for my kids. I have devoted my life to laundry, cleaning the toilet, wiping up messes, tripping over shoes, stepping on Lego's, vacuuming the floor, sweeping up sand, bathing the kids, scrubbing the tub, making snacks and dinner...the list goes on and on! As I think about what "could of been" I am blessed by "what actually is." No amount of money could make me happier. No amount of money could change the joy I have felt for the last 9 years. See, my degree has not gone to waste because I am a teacher. I may not teach other peoples children, I teach my own, everyday! There is no greater job or joy, than that of a SAHM!
So, for the many days I feel overwhelmed, broken, unappreciated, and tired, I need to reflect on the joy in my life. I need to appreciate the wonderful blessing I have. My husband has a good job that allows me to be with my children. I have 4 wonderfully, healthy, vibrant, children, who make my world rotate. I have family and friends who get me through the rough days, and I have an amazing husband who loves me! What more could one person want? Well, how about........A NAP?
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